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The Pacifier     H H ½
MPAA Rating: PG (for action violence, language and crude humor)

Vin Diesel kicks off the film with some XXX action as he demonstrates his Navy Seal skills by pulling off a complex rescue mission. Part 1 of the mission goes perfectly, but part 2 results in his just rescued hostage being killed and Diesel seriously wounded. The assassinated scientist was working on vital government secrets, which the bad guys believe he has stashed somewhere in his home or that his spouse will lead them to.

While the widow Faith Ford goes to Switzerland with Vin’s boss Chris Potter to get into a safe deposit box, Diesel is assigned to protect her five children. They range in age from one requiring diaper duty to two rebellious teenagers, a boy (Max Thieriot) and a girl (Brittany Snow). Between the five children, each is able to create a special kind of hell for Diesel.

The code name for the secret project is "Ghost," which is emblazoned on a CD, that Diesel waves in front of a window so the bad guys can conveniently see it. They break in and kung fu fighting ensues.

As Diesel gradually builds his relationship with the kids, he also starts a budding romance with a teacher at the high school, who sees improvements in the teenagers’ disruptive behavior. Maybe Diesel is starting to think about life in the normal world rather than the cadence counting of the military, involving life threatening missions all over the globe.

Diesel stumbles upon a major clue about where the secrets are hidden. Combined with a key that the children’s mother brings home from Switzerland, they figure out where to go. With Arabs off limits to playing bad guys, in addition to Germans and Japanese, and China and Russia being our allies of one sort or another, we are running out of countries or ethic groups to be the "axis of evil." That is said tongue-in-cheek, as people are not evil. However, people can do evil things. North Korea grabbed the evildoers’ bag on this one. With some Tom Hanks-like "Big" fancy footwork Diesel finds his way to the secrets, while at the same time conquering evil. Of course, other than the deceased dad and the bad guys, everything comes up smelling like roses.

There is no scary drama here but we must keep in mind we are looking at a Disney movie. It’s PG not R and its aimed at kids rather than adults, so with that in mind, if you go along to get along, you will enjoy the movie. Usually the thing that allows a critic to rate a clearly mediocre film to the 3-star category is some moral message interlaced in the story. This story is stuck on cute, which keeps it stuck in "just ok" territory.

George O. Singleton © 2005

george@reelmoviecritic.com